A Little Less Sid And Nancy
by LeeDej
Summary: Response to Rapierhomme's 5th Challenge over at FD2C called Study Night. All dialogue, Clois, and fun banter. Oneshot. R&R!


**A/N**: This is a response to Rapierhomme's 5th Challenge "Study Night" over at FD2C.All dialogue.

**A Little Less Sid & Nancy**

* * *

"...this has absolutely nothing to do with chemistry." 

"It does, on some level."

"Chloe's right, we should go back to chemistry, this conversation is making me…"

"Clark,"

"What, Lois?"

"You're such a prude."

"I'm not a prude."

"_Sure_,"

"I'm not! Lana, tell them I'm not."

"He's… very private, but not a prude, just careful"

"Why are you two laughing? Stop laughing."

"Sorry, Clark, but you not wanting to talk about _that_ kind of shows you how little you know."

"And how much you know, right Lois?"

"Clark, don't…"

"No, its ok, Chloe. So, Smallville, are you _implying_ something."

"No, I wasn't. Can we just forget about this and get back to work?"

"You're a virgin, aren't you?"

"Lois!"

"What? Can't I ask? To satisfy my curiosity, he doesn't have to answer. I know you're both dying to know."

"Lois, I don't want to talk about this."

"Why, you're waiting for the right woman to sweep you off your feet?"

"Lois, I think you've gone a little too far."

"Is that doubt I sense in you Lana? Don't you want to know?"

"No, I don't. I think I've had enough for this night. I'll see guys tomorrow…"

"Look what you've done, Lois!"

"Hey, I'm not Lana's legs. I didn't get up and walk away, she did."

"I think I've had enough for this night, too. I'm going home."

"No, no, no, no, sit back down, Clark. I want to talk about this. We're all sensible adults, or nearly there. Justify my question with an answer, and stop being such a prude."

"Lois, does it really interest you that much?"

"Not really, but I'm too far into this to turn back."

"Just answer her, Clark, before she starts asking you if you—"

"Chloe!"

"What?"

"Hey, let's stop with the one-syllable responses. Clark, all we want is a simple yes or no."

"Why is it so important to you?"

"It's not."

"Then?"

"Then what?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"I don't."

"Then why are you asking?"

"Because,"

"Because why?"

"Are you two in the first grade?"

"Just answer the question, _Claire_."

"Who the heck is Claire?"

"Clark,"

"Claire is Clark?"

"No, _Claire_ is the redhead from _The Breakfast Club_ who's asked if she's a virgin or not."

"Oh, I see,"

"I don't! I'm leaving. Good-bye!"

"Come on, Claire, sit back down, it's settled. I don't care whether or not you've done the dirty or not. I was just trying to get a rise out of you. Did I get it, _Claire_?"

"First Smallville, then Clarkie, now Claire. What is wrong with you? Chloe, what is wrong with your cousin."

"We're not sure yet, but when the test results come back I'll tell you personally."

"So the subject's dropped?"

"Dropped,"

"Completely?"

"Completely,"

"Promise?"

"I promise,"

"Promise?"

"I promise,"

"Promise?"

"My God, Clark, I said I promised already."

"All is right when Ozzie and Harriet mend wounds."

"Rob and Laura,"

"Ebony and Ivory,"

"Sid and Nancy,"

"He killed Nancy, Clark."

"I know, Lois."

* * *

"X is equal to Y as… you know, we're writers. We aren't supposed to know what makes chemical reactions." 

"It doesn't hurt to know a little bit of everything."

"Yeah, it does. Too much knowledge is a bad thing. Sometimes not knowing is ok."

"Well, I don't agree with that Lois."

"Oh, you don't agree with me? That's new, seeing as you hide everything when I come into the loft. Would it hurt you to show me those premature caveman drawings?"

"Yes, it would."

"Why?"

"Because… because it's private."

"No, the caves are a public landmark, I've seen them. I know what they look like. You know what it means. You not telling me proves my point. You're protecting me."

"Don't flatter yourself, Lois, I'm protecting everyone."

"But that's it, Clark, you can't protect everyone. If you try to protect everyone, everyone ends up hurt. Sometimes it's ok to let someone in."

"Someone like you, I suppose?"

"Not me, because unlike my cuz and your love-scorn Lana, I don't really care for the drawings, and I'm content with having you one step down on the pedestal, but someone in the same ballpark, or at least in the same league."

"That means that I'll have to find someone in a completely different sport."

"Very funny,"

"You aren't laughing,"

"It's one of those unfunny funny jokes."

"Right, ha-ha,"

"I know we're passed this, and I promised I wasn't going to bring it up, which I'm not, but Clark, I'm not walking around with my knees apart. I don't sleep around."

"I know, Lois, I was just being a jerk."

"Why?"

"Because you were being a jerk."

"Yeah, well, you saying I would know made me sound like a slut, and I didn't and don't like that. You know absolutely nothing about my personal life."

"You know nothing of my personal life either."

"No, Clark, I know absolutely nothing about you other than what's on the surface, and there's not much there. I don't mean that in a mean way."

"Are you sure about that?"

"No matter what I say I still crash and burn, don't I?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Lois, but yeah, you do."

"Is that a smirk on your face? Is Clark Kent… flirting with Lois Lane? Is Clark Kent… blushing?"

"No, I must be having an allergic reaction. Stop looking at me that way."

"What way?"

"Like you're undressing me with your eyes, it's disturbing."

"Is it? Look at you, you're having fun. Admit it, you like that someone is finally interested in the bouts of Clark Jr."

"Will you stop calling it that?"

"Hey, guys nickname their manhood all the time, shouldn't you nickname yours?"

"Lois, I don't want to have this conversation with you."

"Clark,"

"What?"

"I don't care; this conversation got lifted up a long time ago. So stop acting coy, and open up a bit. Now that Chloe and Lana aren't here you can be as open as you want to be, no pun intended."

"Lois…"

"Nope, no escaping this time. You're stuck here, with me, so just spill it."

"No, I don't want to know about… whatever it is you're going to tell me."

"Fine I won't tell you anything."

"Ok, it's over and done with, you promised."

"You're right, I promised."

"You promised!"

"My God, Kent, I said I promised!"

"Good,"

"Great,"

"Fine,"

"Fine…?"

"Ok."

"Stop it!"

"Stop what?"

"This!"

"What!"

"This back and forth, it's giving me a headache."

"I'm not."

"Yes you are!"

"You stop it, you're continuing it."

"No, I'm not."

"Let's just be quiet and on the count of three, and stop laughing."

"Fine,"

"Fine,"

"Stop!"

"On the count of three, ready?"

"Yeah,"

"Ok."

"Stop laughing, we're not going anywhere with this. On the count—stop laughing—three."

"One,"

"Two,"

"Fourteen!"

"Lois!"

"Clark!"

"Lois!"

"Clark!"

"Stop!"

"Lois!"

"What?"

"I thought we ought to continue, we were on a role, come on, it's your turn, if you forgot, you're line is 'Lois!' and you say with as you laugh but you're slightly pissed off, now go."

"Lois!"

"No, a bit angrier but… not mad."

"Lois!"

"Yes, like that!"

"Lois!"

"Hey, I'm right here, no need to yell out for me. But the anger, it's boiling down, good."

"Lois!"

"Clark!"

"Lois!"

"Domo Aregato, Mr. Roboto!"

"What!"

"Sorry, it was getting boring. _Lois, Clark, Lois, Clark_. We needed a change."

"Lois, we should go back to studying."

"Fine,"

"Fine,"

"Ok,"

"Ok."

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Humming the theme to 'Oklahoma,'"

"Hey, you said 'ok' first."

"I did, but I didn't mean _Oklahoma_."

"Ok."

"Stop."

"What, I said ok, and I meant ok."

"X is to Y equals… what? Why are you grinning now?"

"Because… that was fun."

"Excruciating,"

"Nice,"

"Waste of time,"

"Forming of a bond,"

"Breaking of what I thought was sarcasm-less platonic relationship,"

"Then stop smiling,"

"You stop smiling,"

"Wait, are we going at it again?"

"No, back to chemistry…….. Stop smiling, you look like you slept with a wire hanger in your mouth."

"You look like someone threw two snowballs at your cheeks."

"You look… I'm out, I'm all out. Maybe we should just call it night."

"Maybe we should."

"That's what I said."

"I know."

"I know you know."

"Lois!"

"Clark!"

"Nancy,"

"Sid,"

"Ebony,"

"Ivory,"

"Laura,"

"Rob,"

"Lucille,"

"Ricky,"

"Who's next?"

"I don't know, I'm all out of couples. You know, _Lois and Clark_ doesn't sound all that bad."

"You're right, it doesn't."

* * *

_Please review_. 


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